Biting the bullet

I've been hesitating starting on my first real project. Why, you may ask?

Well, I'm weird. I'm excited to learn to sew, yet scared to start on something. I think it's because I'm thinking so far ahead, even with simple stuff. And because I'm thinking ahead, I'm already anticipating problems that I don't know how to deal with it. I know, it's a little bit of putting the cart before the horse syndrome, but it's different with sewing than knitting. With knitting, if you goof up, you can always frog it and start over on a section if you messed up. There's literally more flexibility, and once you know how to read a pattern, and you know how to knit and purl, you are on your way for the most part. Sure, I know a lot more now than when I started, and there are still things I don't know. I wouldn't call myself an advanced or expert knitter, but I'm not a beginner either.

I think I'm like this with anything new. I've very hesitant and unsure of myself. And until I do the first project or two, get the hang of it-- even if it's very simple-- I'm terrified of failure, even though I know failure is part of the learning process. I think part of it too is that there is a lot more complicated stuff going on with sewing than I expected. Understanding knitting helps, because I understand garment construction a lot more than if I didn't knit, and having already learned to make adaptions in knitting (some of which are a lot easier to do), I'm anticipating having to make adaptions for sewing patterns, and really screwing things up. I'm sure in time making some sewing adaptions will be normal, but for now, I don't know what I'm doing.

I kept re-reading the section of my S.E.W. book on how to read patterns, and I understand some parts, and not others. How much yardage? Check. How to lay out the patterns on the fabric? Check. How to sew this part or that part? Well, not so much. And to top it all off, I come to find out that sewing pattern sizes are not the same as store sizes. So, I could be a size 8 at the Gap (I'm not, but bear with me) and a size 14 via the sewing pattern. That screws up everything for me, because I'm not exactly small to begin with. I know they make plus sized patterns, but still, what if I still need to make adaptions to that as well? And one of the reasons I wanted to learn to sew was because I think I don't fit a size per se. Like my back is one size, but my front is another size, and I have a waist, and so on. So I'm freezing up mentally on this, when I shouldn't. I should just seize the day and start simple. But even the simple tote bag that I plan to do is seizing up my brain. And my logical brain says that's dumb, but my emotional brain is panicking. I don't understand my brain sometimes.

So, I had a little chat with one of my co-workers today, and was mentioning that I was starting to learn, and part of the difficulty was that nobody, and I mean NOBODY ever showed me anything about sewing until my lesson with Sandy. My mother had a machine when I was a kid, but I really didn't learn anything from her at all, and I wouldn't say that in any way was she a sewing person. I think, in retrospect, it was because she didn't learn properly herself, because after reading some of the problems that can happen with improper care of your machine and accessories, I think that was the problem. But the co-worker was very enthusiastic and encouraging, and assured me that even making basic stuff was satisfying, as that's what she would do for her kids when they were smaller, and just make costumes and toys and chatchkes and stuff. With that kind of encouragement, I don't know...I just decided that I needed to listen to my logical mind instead of my scared little girl mind, and yes, bite the bullet.

So, tonight, with scrap material in hand, my cutting board, rotary cutter and scissors, my ruler, my tracing pencil, and the directions in my S.E.W. book, I cut out my first "pattern" for the tote bag I decided to make. I'm doing a trial run with scrap material I have first just to get the hang of it before I make a nicer one later. I think this one won't be perfect, but it's a good start. I'll admit, I didn't press any material, although I definitely should. I decided to make a pocket at the last minute, so I started with that. While I didn't have an iron on hand (I'll have to bring the iron and ironing board upstairs from the basement), I used the Elisa method of marking (in this case, spit to make creases. I know, bleeh, but it's my bag, so it's my spit. Deal with it! I stitched up the pocket, and while it's not perfect, it's not so bad either. After a little bit of work on it, Drew came up, and he helped me with it. He likes using the "accelerator" for me, and he's getting rather good at listening to what I need, such as go slower, go faster, STOP, and go medium. He likes helping and watching, so that's good. He asked what I was making, and I told him a tote bag. He asked if he could have it when I was done making it, and I said sure, and he was excited about that. Of course, I have to finish it first!

So I think if I do any sewing stuff this weekend, I'll have to bring the ironing board and iron upstairs. I wanted to get a mini craft iron, but JC is getting weird about me getting all this stuff. He feels I've already spent too much on things, and I can just use what I have. Geez, okay already. We have two regular irons anyway. I think if I have time, I will be able to get the bag done this weekend. We'll see. There's a lot going on, and I really need to attend to my house and getting it cleaned up. It's time to change the seasonal clothes, and perhaps that will help tell me what some of my future clothes projects that I want to do will be! I know I want to make shorts for both Drew and I, that's for sure. But I need to assess what he and I have, especially since he's growing so fast.

But I did it! I finally cut the pieces of my first pattern, and have taken steps to finally make something. I need to follow through on this now, because if I don't, then it's been a big waste of time and money. I can do this. I know I can!